SORRY DUDE, I DON’T LIKE YOU: 5 WAYS TO SEND THIS MESSAGE
Urgh. When a guy is super into you and you’re not into him at all is the worst. Especially when you never said you were into him and he’s not getting the hint.
Here’s 5 awful situations… and how to handle them…
1. The Gym Pervert
Oh god. You’re in the gym. You’re in your zone. Head phones on. On the treadmill. Running like a motherfucker.
Then in the big mirror in front of you he appears. The creepy overly-roid-ridden Gym Pervert. He’s leaning on the water cooler.
He’s staring at your ass.
..He’ll wait until the treadmill next to you is free to pounce.
Headphones or no headphones he’s there. Talking to you until you have to stop what you’re doing and listen to him. Yup. He’s asking if you’re single.
Best thing to do? Don’t be rude – reply to the man.
“Am I single? Who cares? I’m fucking pissed off you’ve interrupted me.”
2. The Bar Creep
You’re waiting for your friends at a bar. And before you’ve even batted an eyelash at the bar tender, lo and behold Bar Creep swoops in.
“May I buy you a drink?”
No. You may not.
He stays anyway.
You’re polite. That’s fine. Humour the man.
But once your girlfriends arrive just walk off. Don’t say bye. Don’t look back.
It’s so rude. It works.
3. The Wedding Jerk
Your cousin’s wedding. You should be ready for the attack if you’re attending a wedding alone. Because he’s always there. That one groomsman who wants to bang anyone and anything because it seems the act of life-time commitment makes this guy horny. Or maybe it’s the fruitcake. He’ll prowl the dance floor looking for you…
DO NOT SIT ON THAT CHAIR IN THE CORNER LOOKING PATHETIC.
Shit. Too late. There he is, like a bad smell hanging around you. He’s hoping that you’ll cry and bemoan your pathetic single life. This guy carries a copy of The Game in his pocket and he’s not afraid to use it.
Best thing to do? Go make out with that better-looking waiter.
At least you won’t have to see him again… and he’s got access to free food.
4. Drunk Guy
You’re at a party and have somehow “collected” a rather annoying appendage in the guise of a creepy dude. He’s really, really drunk. And a bit handsy. And he WON’T. GO. AWAY.
Easiest way out?
Time for the revolving door.
Declare loudly (but not too loudly) “This party sucks. It’s for losers. I’m going home.” Make out the party is far too lame (which is probably is because you’re awesome) and convince this guy you’re leaving.
If this guy is that desperate then he’ll follow you out. As you walk along, ditch him somewhere and go back round the block and back into the party. Fool proof.
5. Friend Zone
This is the hardest one to pull off. You’ve been on a couple of dates with a guy. He’s really sweet but it’s just not happening. No spark and to be frank you’re also running out of excuses as to why you yawn so much in his company.
Problem is – he’s not getting it. And he’s so much like an abandoned puppy with a leg missing that you feel terrible every time he asks you out. You feel so terrible you always end up going… THIS MADNESS HAS TO STOP.
What if you end up feeling so bad you get married or something?
Life is cruel.
You know what happens to sad injured little puppies sometimes?
They get put out of their misery.
Time for you to do the same.
Be a major bitch.
Tell him you met a hunky marine that you’re running away with.
He’ll hate you forever.
But at least he’ll never, ever think it ended because he was a big fat bore.