A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO DATING A YOUNGER MAN
In your late-twenties/early-thirties you suddenly start to realise all the hot men are taken. It’s getting harder and harder to find a decent guy. So you’re desperately seeking someone. Anyone.
Then you make that all important quarter-life crisis discovery: The Younger Man.
They’re cute, they are less likely to have a beer gut and they seem to be much more fun than their older counterparts. But – there are rules for dating a young man. And the rules are there for a reason. Follow them and get ready for a young and care free frolic!
5 Simple rules for dating a younger man:
Rule One: Do your math.
Standard age-gap dating rules stipulate you do this calculation when considering dating someone younger than you. It works pretty well…
Your age = (x)
(x) ÷ 2 + 7
The result of this simple arithmetic will give you the MINIMUM age you should consider dating. However, if your new date is younger than your youngest sibling/son/daughter then this is also technically a bit of a no-no. Regardless of whether it fits in with the maths.
Rule Two: Lay Down the Law
Make sure both you and your little plaything know what you’re getting into. Young boys can go one of two ways. Either they’ll be totally unserious and more like having a rebellious teenager for a boyfriend… or they’ll fall madly in love with you and make you feel like your putting a puppy down at the pound if you try and break up with them.
Rule Three: Act Your Age
DO NOT try and act or god forbid dress as young as your new toy boy. EVER. God. Do I need to even explain why? That would be tragic on all kinds of levels. You are a cougar… an older lady. Let him marvel at your maturity and sophistication. Step AWAY from the skateboard.
Rule Four: Break down the language barriers
Be ready to learn a new language. Kids today rarely use words when communicating via text message. Language has gone full circle and we’re back to hieroglyphics. It’s time to learn the art of the emoticon.
Rule Five: Sex
Now you’re dating a younger man, say goodbye to experience. Farewell consideration. He-llooo to a lot of really shit sex. Don’t get me wrong the stamina and a great willingness to please will be there. But in most cases, get ready to introduce your new man to a little thing we like to call foreplay. Check he’s not a virgin – it’s really awkward when you realise he is.
Rule Six: Adapt Your Social Skills
He’ll probably find it hard hanging out with you and your sophisticated older friends in bars and the theatre and other cultural shit you’ve started doing now you’re “old”.
He also will make them feel old when they realise he’s too young to know the Fresh Prince of Bel Air rap.
You’ll have to find a way to put up with his mates. And their shit jokes, stupid questions and requests to meet your “hot older lady friends”. He’ll probably live with a group of young loud knuckleheads who will irritate the fuck out of you… or even worse – he might still live with his (probably very disapproving) mother.
Probably best he comes to stay with you.