Written for New York’s Galore Magazine
I never thought I’d say this, but the Backstreet Boys have a point.
All Brian, Howie, Nick, AJ and that other guy are trying to say is hearts are fragile. Even boys’ ones.
Never a player or a played idiot be.
Here are 5 myths of dating; busted.
“He took three hours to reply to my text so I’ll take three DAYS to respond to his…”
Oh stop it! We are lucky enough to live in an age where we can correspond instantly. Imagine how long Elizabeth Bennet probably had to wait for that asshole Darcy to reply.
In a world where people can swipe left or right to instantly decide if they want to sex you or not… They can also instantly decide not to text you again and text someone who bothered to reply straight away.
“You should wait until at least date 5 to have sex with someone.”
Should you? Says who? It’s not like eating a sandwich before swimming. If you meet someone and you both want to do the dance with no pants… to quote a famous sports brand; “just do it”.
“I’ll withhold sex to punish him.”
No! No! No! you will do no such thing. Sex is not a weapon. Plus why should you suffer from lack of sex if he’s in the wrong?
Sex is all about the sweet loving. If you’ve had an argument, get straight down to some sexual healing. Stat.
“We’re just friends”
Friends With Benefits is not only a terrible TERRIBLE film (what were you thinking JT?!) but it’s also a terrible idea.
Friends do not know what their fellow friends look like naked, unless you were friends with Naked John from college too… We ALL know what he looked like naked.
“…I didn’t know we were exclusive?”
Wake up and smell the sex with other people. It’s so silly. Either you’re together or you’re fucking around.
Just make up your mind and make sure you’re both happy with it. My advice? Open relationships are a mine field. I’d avoid.
5. Break ups.
“Let’s go on a break.”
Have we learnt nothing from Ross and Rachel? The “we were on a break” thing got old pretty fast didn’t it? Not that the writers noticed…
It’s quite simple and clear. Either you want to continue sexing or you don’t. The choice is yours.
“I’ve changed my mind”
No you haven’t. Once it’s over. It’s over. As my dad used to charmingly say to me about my ex boyfriends; “Like a dog returneth to his vomit, a fool repeats his mistakes.”