Galore Mag: Galore’s Guide to Dealing with Bitches

As seen in New York’s Galore Magazinebitch

Think before you get your bitch-face on.

That’s right I’m talking to you missy. The one who see’s a girl looking good, wearing a cute dress or who’s said something clever and has the deep urge to rain all over her parade. Stop and ask yourself: why?
We live in a world where sadly us lady-folk still haven’t quite got the equality we deserve. There’s a little way to go yet and us girls have got to stick together! So I want to reach out to you – the bitches – and ask you to have a little think before you turn into a mega-c*nt.
If you’re a normal female… keep a look out for bitches. They’re lurking everywhere. And don’t let them get to you…
Gym-Bitch
bitch 3
We all know the type. The competitive bitch who brings out the worst in you. She wants to beat you and before you know it, you find yourself DETERMINED to not let her. This bitch haunts places like the gym.She’s the one on the treadmill next to you who cranks up the speed whenever you do, which makes you want to do it more. And then she turns her speed up more. And so on. And so on… until you think you’re going to have a heart attack. Don’t let her get to you! Stupid Gym-Bitch.

‘Frenemy’-Bitch
Oh man. The worst. The girl who smiles at you, hangs out with you and calls herself your buddy. Then the second a hot guy comes along and shows you interest she suddenly recalls the time when you drank too much and vomited all over her parent’s couch.Now hot guy thinks you’re gross and you’ve lost a little bit more respect for her. Remember: these girls are not your friends. They’re jealous ice cold dicks. No matter how long you’ve known eachother or been ‘friends’… if they salt your game – ditch the bitch.

Puritan-Bitch

I was out a few weeks ago with my boyfriend and a group of friends. There was a girl in our group who always seems to like to make me feel about 5cm tall. Anyway I turned up wearing my hot new dress. I thought; “Fuck it – it’s Friday night and the first sunny evening in months so I’m going to get my legs out.” and so I did.

When I arrived I was minding my own bid-ness when this dick of a bitch I barely knew turned around and said the immortal phrase of all bitches world wide: “Aren’t you cold?”
No grandma – I’m not cold.
DICK.
Office-Bitchbitch4

I heard a story the other day about a friend of mine getting ready for a hot date in the bathroom at her work. As she came to collect her coat and shut down for the day some of the boys complimented her and said she looked fit. Cue the office bitch cutting across and saying she thinks girls who wear make up look ‘trashy’. My friend left for her date feeling really shit about herself.

What exactly did Office Bitch get out of saying that? How did it make her life any better?

If a girl wants to wear make up – let her fucking wear make up!!! What’s it to you Office Bitch?! The problem with Office Bitch is she’s going nowhere so you have to remain civil. Unless you can find an easy way to get her fired.

But to be honest then you’ll just take her place as Office Bitch – take the high road and lather on your lipstick with pride. Ideally right in front of her bitchy little blotchy make-up-free face.

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